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90 days to a worse you!


I’ve always dreamed of writing a million-copy-selling self-help book, but since I’m not very good at anything, I thought it was just another pipe dream. Then I realized: I’m good at being a failure! And I could help other people become failures! Instead of taking years to become a bitter, dismal, self-hating loser, I can teach you how to do it in months — days, even! Here are some quick and easy-to-follow lessons from what may be a publishing first: a self-hurt book. These tips are all from the chapter entitled “The Workplace: Failure On the Clock.” — Drink on the job. It sends the message that you’re so talented, you don’t even have to be sober to do this stinking job for which you’re overqualified, anyway. You don’t have a problem — THEY’VE got the problem. They don’t pay you enough to tell you what to do on your own time. Especially lunch. What do they think, that you’re going to hang around here until somebody dies just to get the promotion you should have been given two years ago? Harris only got it because you were out with gout. He doesn’t have alimony and child support to pay, and yet he’s making all the money, the creepy little toady. — If you’re unhappy, make sure everyone’s unhappy. Read stories like this and more in your latest edition of The Ennis News. Be informed, subscribe today!

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Posted by on Oct 19 2018. Filed under Editorials. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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