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Kids do say the darndest things

Bill Cosby would love my kids.
His popular television show Kids Say the Darndest Things was one I liked to watch years ago, but not having children, I really didn’t appreciate its beauty.

The uninhibited statements. The random comments. The truth. It was all so great. Watching old clips of it now makes me truly appreciate the amazingness of the things children will say.

But not all children qualify for this honor. My oldest, Emma, was 30 years old the day she was born. She’s never wanted to be held back. She always wanted to be in the middle of the action, rarely giving enough thought to a comment or question for it to be TV worthy. Don’t be mistaken, she’s come up with a few gems over the years, but my youngest, Addie, 4, is by far the creative one in the family. She can make your knees buckle at the thoughts bouncing around her head.

In fact, she keeps 6-year-old Emma, whose understanding of the craziness of these comments in uncanny for her age,in stitches about as much as Kellie and I are.

I’ll give you a few peeks into what I’m dealing with.

Toots and Foots:
About two weeks ago Addie decided she was bored with the current status of her feet. Why on earth should her feet be relegated to just walking, running and jumping each day? They’re covered up by shoes each day. So she’s decided to name them. That’s a reasonable concept.
Equal opportunity did not lead her to doing the same for her hands or arms, but naming her feet must have seemed right. Toots and Foots (I can’t remember which is which) are their names. Very seriously she decided her feet needed identifying marks outside of the normal left and right. After all, everything in pairs is either left or right, or top or bottom. So the abstract Toots and Foots gives them a little special place in Addie’s mind.

Growing up:
I may have already blessed Ennis with this commentary but I can’t help saying it again for those who just want to hear it or tossed my column into the trash or under the bird cage like so many do.

About a year ago, Addie looked at her mom and wanted to understand the concept of growing. Since Addie, “Will never grow,” according to her, she wanted to know exactly when she could expect some sort of height to bless her.

She can’t reach the light switch. Her sister got to do so much more than her at nearly twice her age at the time. Addie is stuck as the little one. A little short for her age (she can thank Mom for that one) Addie is just frustrated.

She looked at her mom and said, “When am I going to be a gwown up wady wike you?” Translated “When am I going to be a grown up lady like you?”

I’m not sure we ever answered and laughter over her accent, which even to this day sounds more like a 2-year-old than 4-year-old, took us down.

I guess you had to be there.

Spilled milk:
While in Hattiesburg about two years ago, Addie and Emma were destroying, I mean playing, in their room one Saturday. Kellie was off spending money or something, and I was lazily lying on the couch.
All of a sudden I hear the most horrific crying. It’s that type of cry you associate with crushing a finger, poking an eye out or just not getting what you want, it’s tough to say. It was also eerily similar to the sound I heard a week earlier when Addie fell out of her bedroom window (to avoid a CPS investigation, I won’t go into detail on that one).

Addie was busting out crying. Seeing all appendages attached, eyes in sockets, no open window, both kids, and no blood, I immediately turned my attention to Emma.

“What did you do?”

“Nothing,” Emma cried out.

“She spilled my milk,” Addie screamed.

“What! Why do you have milk in your room,” I fussed.

Of course, this wasn’t my house. I rented an apartment. All I needed was to pay to get someone else’s carpet shampooed to keep the apartment from smelling like rotten milk.

“No. It’s pretend,” Emma cried.

Seriously. Miss over-dramatic, little actress was crying, tears and all, over fake spilled milk. Unbelievable.

Because of the confines of this column I won’t excite some of you or bore others with more details.

But next time I struggle to write a meaningful column or have no idea what’s going on because I’ve been out of town most of the week, I’ll spread more of the good news about my little creative one.

In the meantime, watch out for Facebook or Youtube. Addie Grace Bischof will be a child sensation one of these days. She has certainly provided me with some entertainment.

Tre Bischof has two children who take up most of his time, but plans on having a third one day in the distant future. Pray for him at tre@ennisdailynews.com.

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Posted by on Feb 21 2010. Filed under News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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